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I’ve been away from this virtual space for a while, packing, traveling, meeting far away family, returning home. I don’t yet know how to keep writing when I’m out of routine. I know that if you’re a “real” writer, you’re supposed to write every day, no matter what, that the definition of a real writer, in fact, is someone who has to write every day, who can’t live without it. I unfortunately do just fine spending weeks away from computers and journals, feel happy and content drinking coffee with my sister on the porch of a Spanish hotel, watching the sunrise from a Moroccan rooftop with my husband, napping whenever I have the chance. There’s a disappointment in this, I guess, a slight bafflement as to why it’s so easy for me to leave writing behind for so long, why I’m not scratching notes on foreign serviettes, recording beautiful moments on my phone, trying to squeeze some journal pages into my Christmas holidays, like a real writer ought to. Maybe I’m living freely beyond obligation and imposed standards, or maybe I’m lacking the discipline that would keep me grounded and growing. Maybe both.
All that to say, I’m in Nairobi again and finding my way back to words, though they feel like distant strangers. I forget what I used to write each morning, can’t fathom how I ever cobbled together a poem. Part of me wants to rebel, to leave the word documents closed and spend the morning reading, tidying up, going out for coffee. I look with some envy at people who feel no need to write anything, who are fulfilled and productive without writing a word. But I know that even though I may not meet the official requirements of a real writer, even though I procrastinate too often, have happily been away from this writing for too long, I can’t stay away forever. For me, these words are home, and for now, I’m glad to be back.

2 thoughts on “Home

  1. Deborah Krymusa says:

    Kirsten, never feel you have to write ALL the time…i’m sure even c.s. lewis spent time away from ‘writing’…that’s what nourishes your soul..so that when you do get back into it, you’re rejuvenated and have even more to give. and anyway, you are you. you’re unique, right? who says you have to follow someone else’s standard as to how it has to be done. you’re doing just fine..and now that you’re back, your faithful readers will gobble up each word as before..we love you! just keep doing what you’re doing…

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